A brother to hate or love? continued
by Solstice1394
Summary: If you haven't read A Brothers Hate or Love by xXLivePeaceXx you're going to have to read that first to understand the rest of this adopted fic. Damon and Stefan must come to grips with Stefan being raped in 1863 and 1864. How will Damon deal with Stefan? Find out in this continuation fic, warnings for rape and a lot of fluff. Temp hiatus because beta hasn't given back chapter 5.
1. Chapter 1

(Author's Note) My name is Solstice1394 and I have taken over this fic mainly because like many of you I felt _"What the Fuck?"_ when I read Chapter 6. Therefore, if you haven't read _A Brothers Hate or Love _by xXLivePeaceXx you're going to have to read that first to understand the rest of this adopted fic. If you have and are ready for the rest of the ride, wait no more because I promise to finish this.

_Thoughts _

_I want to give a big thank you to my Beta Pretty Girl 818 who has a story out, it about Scandal so if you like that show check it out. Here is the number id:_9688823 or if you're not on the phone it's s/9688823/1/Forgot-to-Remember

Chapter 6: I am drowning in memories brother

Damon's POV

He was just falling asleep when he heard the whimpering. He knew it was his brother and he knew that there had been something wrong today when Stefan had not said anything about bursting into his room that morning. Sure, they were close now, but Stefan liked his privacy. Ever since he was 16 he had been like that. Stubborn too, but that didn't matter as he climbed out of his bed and went up the stairs to Stefan's room.

He was so close when he heard a cry of something he couldn't completely make out. It sounded something like _don't you touch me _he thought. He didn't want to think about what that meant because if it meant the rapist he wasn't sure he could handle it. Lexi had told him some things, but it didn't mean that he knew the whole story. He opened the door shocked to see his baby brother twisted in the blankets like a vice around him. He didn't like what he saw one bit and it pulled at his heartstrings.

He moved closer to Stefan and pulled him to him, which was evidently the wrong thing to do because Stefan started screaming bloody murder at his touch. For only a second he freaked out, but then pushed all his worry aside and decided to chance singing a lullaby his mother used to sing to Stefan before she died.

"Nana bobò, nana bobò, tutti bambini dormene Guido no." He saw Stefan relax and stop screaming. He thanked his nanny for teaching him the song when he was little. If she had not taught him after his mother died, he did not know what he would be doing right now. The song was one of the few things that calmed Stefan when he had a nightmare.

He knew his voice was not the best, but he continued singing the song in a low voice to get Stefan out of the nightmare as he had done many a time all those years ago. He pulled Stefan closer and this time he did not object. If he had, a heart that still pumped it would have been in overdrive and would only now be coming back to a slightly less panicked rhythm. He felt Stefan relax into him, and he started to run his fingers through Stefan hair, happy his brother was sleeping peacefully for the moment. Shortly thereafter, he passed out, holding his brother protectively to him.

Stefan's POV

He was back at the lake. He knew it the moment he smelt the grass below his own feet. He looked down to see he was barefoot and without pants. He saw his attacker stumbling away, drunk off bliss, and Stefan hated that the man had used his body. He felt bile rise up in his throat and he wanted to throw up, so he kneeled over the water and expelled the contents of his stomach. He was a sniveling mess he hated himself; he hated his body but most of all he hated that he didn't feel clean.

He remembers his breathing being harsh. He was a vampire he shouldn't need to breathe. Back in his dream he was slowly panicking, his world had just been turned upside down and he didn't like it. It felt like it had happened again after 140 years. It felt like he was a 16 year old again and not the 162-year-old vampire that he was.

He could feel the breath of Walter Krebs again his breath, his pressure in him, the sweat, and the terrible smell. He felt angry again and distant, like he wanted to shut out the world again. He felt it all as if the world he built with Lexi's help had just crumbled. He didn't care anymore, he screamed and screamed and when he felt someone trying to hold him he screamed more. His lungs ached for air but he didn't care because it wasn't real, he didn't need oxygen.

He felt himself slightly wake up then and heard a deep baritone of a voice singing. It was the same lullaby his mother, his nanny and now, as he recognized the voice, his big brother was singing. He felt himself relax slightly. He was in the present and he was a 162 year old vampire with his 168 year old brother holding and protecting him. The past was dead and gone and he knew that now he just wanted to know why the past had to rear its ugly head like that.

The nightmares where unbearable because they kept tearing at what Lexi? had helped him through. He knew he would have to tell Damon soon and with that thought he drifted back to sleep.

(Author' Note) Okay so we dive deeper in the next chapter. Stays tuned my Sweets and tell me what you think. The lullaby is an Italian one. "Nana bobò, nana bobò", means all the children are sleeping and "Guido" isn't. "Nana" means sleep and "bobò" is a term of endearment with no specific meaning. This is a very old song from Veneto Lagoon.

_What do you think a Vampire's favorite movie is?_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 7: My life raft, my brother.

(Author's Note) Okay, here we go. Let's dive deeper into the tormented world of brothers my sweets.

_Thoughts_

_Thank you so much Sweets Beta Reader Pretty Girl 818 __who has a story out, it about Scandal so if you like that show check it out. Here is the number id:_9688823 or if you're not on the phone it's s/9688823/1/Forgot-to-Remember

Stefan's POV

As Stefan was coming home from school he reflects on the night before when Damon had been there. He remembers the warmth coming from his brother and being very glad that he had a brother like Damon. Stefan was nervous. He had decided to tell Damon today. He just had to prepare himself for what might happen.

He heard Damon's bedroom door open and shut and the padding of feet on the stairs. _He wasn't ready…He couldn't face his brother yet - not when he was unprepared to face any emotion close to pity or hate or something like blaming himself._

It was too late. Damon was coming toward him, dressed in black with his boots on, and holding their favorite movies. He smiled. He didn't want to ruin the night that they had planned so he decided to push the confession until after the movie. He had that long to prepare.

It was an hour after the movie and he still hadn't told Damon. They were reminiscing about living in Mystic Falls. They were talking about fishing and Stefan was remembering the lake where they used to fish…the lake where Walter did it_. That same lake that they transformed from humans to vampires and it was the same lake where he nearly drowned. He hated that lake with vengeance for being there. He hated himself for ever knowing that lake._ His fingers like a vice surrounding the tumbler. The glass shattered as he though about all these things.

"Stef?," Damon asked from the couch, looking up in time to see Stefan's hand covered in blood and full of glass.

"What!," Stefan shouted harshly, still seething whilst coming out of his angry thoughts. He then only noticed the scent of his own blood and felt the annoyance of glass in his hand.

"Shit Stefan! If you wanted a bloody hand you could've asked me." Damon said as he ran with vampiric speed to the bathroom for some tweezers and a rag to clean up his brother hand.

"Ahh…" Stefan sighed as another piece of glass was removed from his hand. It wasn't extremely painful but rather an annoyance. He knew it was the hard work that was breaking down. The work he and Lexi had done, so that he could overcome his Ripper ways. He had been suffering from self-loathing, anger, blood addiction and being the ripper - all factors stemming from his rape.

Katherine had killed Walter as soon as she realized that he had been gone too long on one night. She had followed the scent of blood to the lake near their home. She had seen him and put two and two together, and a few months after that night he was turned. When he was turning, he remembered every time Katherine had fed him her blood, and that night was the one time he was glad she had.

That night Walter had found him and had raped him, but this time it was different. He did more than rape him…that night he beat him. Walter was angry with him. He thinks he remembers thinking that it was his fault. Only when Lexi saved him did she tell him that none of it was his fault.

I remember him yelling my name and telling me "Stefan you were looking at Katherine today and I told you…" he punched me then. "I told you that I don't like it when you're with someone because you belong to me." He remembered that when the beating stopped the rape began.

"Earth to an overly special brother," Damon said waving a pair of tweezers that had a particularly long piece of bloodied glass in front of my face.

"Huh," I half answered, I was too lost in my former memories to fully here Damon. I really needed to tell him otherwise the Ripper would want to be let out soon.

"I said I'm done but you're too weak and it's taking too long," he wrapped the rag around my hand tightly and put pressure on it, making me fully snap to realty. "I'm going to go get you your rabbit blood. Hold the rag," he said seriously. Damon looked worried. It was taking too long to heal.

"Okay brother," I smiled weakly because I wanted to push aside what I had just remembered I knew I had to tell him. He was coming back from the kitchen with a mug of rabbit blood. I drank it with my uninjured hand. I felt better as I felt my skin and muscle knit back together.

"Feeling well enough to tell me what's wrong?" Damon huffed at Stefan. He was worried about his brother not healing fast enough. "Is this about your nightmares or the fact that you haven't been eating well because I'm pretty sure you haven't eaten in awhile? Come on I'm cooking for you." Damon said not taking no for an answer, as he pulled Stefan by his newly healed hand into the kitchen.

"Brother I need to tell you something," Stefan said as he sat down at the counter.

"Mhmm," Damon answered as he grabbed a pot and some ingredients from the fridge. He knew Stefan like to eat human food and Damon like to cook so he would curb some of those blood cravings with a home cooked meal.

"Brother I need to tell you something about when I was 16," Stefan began to feel tension in his stomach.

"Is this about your nightmares Stef," Damon asked as he added water and oil to the pot for the beginning of the stew.

"Yes I just want to make one thing clear okay," Stefan said as he waited for his brother to make eye contact as he chopped carrots.

"Okay, then make it clear. I'm listening. You know that. Tell me what your nightmares are about," Damon said as he looked up from his cutting to see his brother holding back mixed emotions. He wondered what could make his brother so scared to hold back emotions and wait until now to tell him when it had happened so long ago.

"I was not to blame for any of what happened to me and neither are you to blame. The person to blame is the person who…" he paused because he couldn't say the words just yet.

Realization dawned on Damon,"I wondered when you would tell me brother," Damon said as he finished cutting the carrots. He knew that Stefan had been raped. Lexi had asked if he had known anything about it when she had first helped Stefan get over the Ripper and found out why the ripper existed.

"What are you talking about," Stefan asked. He didn't want to think that Damon had known and hadn't told him. He felt like his privacy was being invaded.

"Lexi told me the first time she helped you because she wanted to know if I knew," he paused reaching for the broccoli and cutting it and then moving to the Zucchini. "She told me to wait for you to tell me. It's been 100 years since she told me, I figured you would tell me when you needed to," he turned toward the pot dumping the vegetables into the boiling water and grabbing a pan to sauté some meat for the stew.

"She told you," he paused. It sunk in. Damon couldn't have snooped in his journal because he burned the journal with Walter in it. He put his head in his hands as Damon stirred the pot. He was so calm it was comforting in a way. He stood up from the stool and went to Damon so he could be hugged. He needed his big brother right now, those arms always seemed to shield him from everything, and right now, he wanted to be shielded.

"It's okay brother I'm here I will always be here for you," Damon hushed. Stefan had started crying hard into his shirt. He had just in time moved the knife out of the way for him to not stab his brother in the midst of their hug.

"Thank you for keeping your silence for me," Stefan sobbed into Damon's shirt. He loved his brother because he had waited for him to come clean all this time and never once had he seen pity or judgment in those eyes this whole time he knew.

"I figured that Lexi yelling at me to keep my mouth shut and threatening to kill me if I didn't was a good enough reason to keep my silence, until you told me," Damon said with a small smile as he heard Stefan give a sobbing chuckle.

"Those nightmares…I need help with them brother," Stefan said softly.

"That's fine. I can always listen to you. It's okay Lexi told me what to do if she couldn't come and you needed someone," Damon pacified. He stroked Stefan's hair as they stood in the kitchen together.

"Thank you brother," Stefan said. He was calming down now his sobbing was stopping as Damon held him tight with one hand and carded his fingers through his hair with the other.

"I'm just glad you finally told me," Damon said as he pulled at Stefan's arm to have a proper look at him at arms length. He saw Stefan's eyes were puffy. "Go wash your face Stefan then come back to the kitchen, we're cooking stew." _I won't force him to talk about it, we'll just focus on cooking for now a bit of normalcy for him._

(Author's Note) So that is Chapter 2 and I will see you next week for when Stefan spirals and Damon is his life raft.

PS I think that the boys would each watch something different as their favorite movie. Damon because he is a romantic and a caring person in his heart of hearts would watch Casa Blanca. "Frankly my dear I don't give a Damm!" Huhuhh? On the other hand, maybe he would watch French kiss a romantic comedy that will forever remind me what a French thief is or a romanticized version of them.

I think I agree with our beta friend that or at least agree that Stefan would watch Frankenstein. PrettyGirl818 writes: I'd guess it would be something old. A classic movie, such as Frankenstein (which they could identify with as it is something unnatural and nonhuman and something that tries to find love from his master – thus the brothers trying to find their place and love and they are undead and nonhuman).

Thank you for your time.


	3. Chapter 3

(Author's Note) Hello, my sweets. Welcome back my dears. It's time for some cookies though I doubt you would like the ones Damon and Stefan like. Damon likes peanut butter and O positive blood and our animal lover Stefan likes chocolate cookies mixed with deer blood. In True Blood apparently they have Blood food. I figured if Vladimir Todd has blood food why couldn't the boys? Today is my birthday and I like cookies not cake that's why no cake for our boys plus I'm turning 19 so it's a good day.

_Thoughts _

_Thank you so much Sweets or we could call her by her name Pretty Girl 818 for the awesome Beta_

Chapter 8: A Lighthouse in the Storm - my brother.

Damon POV

It was just now 3 in the morning when I woke up after falling asleep next to Stefan in my bed. I put my arm on his chest so I could tell if he moved in his sleep. It was something that I used to do when Stefan would sleep in my bed after having a nightmare. Stefan was still asleep so he left quietly from the bed to go to the bathroom, only to come back to see his brother tossing in the bed.

"Stef," Damon said softly hoping to wake his brother. _Stef don't make me sing in Italian again _he mulled over in his head as he realized that it wasn't working. "Okay you asked for my lousy singing," he said under his breath as he simultaneously pulled Stefan close to him and climbed back into bed. He slowly started singing the lullaby again and saw Stefan's face becoming more relaxed.

He was halfway through the song when Stefan stopped squirming in his arms and sunk into them, allowing himself to be held. He was coming to the end of the song when Stefan woke in his arms. He wrapped his arms tighter around Stefan, reassuring him that he was there.

Stefan POV

Damon and he had just finished riding. It was a normal day in Mystic Falls, they had run the property and came back in time for Damon to work on the accounts for their father. Damon was working during the afternoon because their father wasn't in the study during that time. He was out having a conversation with the supervisor about the lumber they had hauled that day.

He was happy as he dashed into the house. Happy that is, until he saw his father and Walter Krebs shaking hands, obviously just finishing up some last minute business. Father looked happy. Stefan didn't know how he could be happy in the man's presence. That was until he remembered that his father had no idea what Mr. Krebs did to his baby boy.

Mr. Krebs was leaving his father's presence and was coming towards him. He felt terrified. He had put a note in his pocket as he had passed him, Stefan realized later that evening when he discovered it. He remembers feeling relieved that he hadn't done anything to him in the house and it was only at that lake because it was only there that he would have a mild panic attack. Stefan was glad that during a major drought, the lake had dried up and no longer existed. It was now simply a large field on their old property.

He was remembering the night that Walter threatened him into keeping his mouth shut. That was the night Walter blamed him and made him think that he was raped because of the way he looked. It was the first time and certainly not the last that Walter would say something like that to him. He would end up blaming himself for the rapes because of the way he looked for years after that night.

He screamed as he felt someone grab him. They were strong arms and they weren't holding him nicely. The arms were pinning him, asking him not to struggle. It was unbearable. He didn't want to be touched by someone who felt like Krebs and it angered him. Walter Krebs was dead and gone. He should be…So who was holding him so tightly? He knew instinctively that whoever it was had a force to be reckoned with. He didn't care. He bucked in his dream, still fighting the invisible attacker.

He wouldn't calm down. He didn't want to be taken and he shuddered at the thought of it happening again. He promised himself he would not be taken without a fight. Then he heard a singing voice. It was low, but there. He thought the singing was his imagination and a flood of mixed emotions came rushing to him. He recognized the voice as his brother's and it helped fight off the attacker. He felt the strong arms restraining him turn into the loving embrace of his brother. For a second he thought about removing those arms around him but he knew his brother and knew he would never hurt him, not anymore at least.

He breathed concentrating on the song being sung. It was Nana Bobò. He remembered the meaning of the small child needing to sleep and that its mother was gone so someone else would sing to the small Bobò in order for him to be calm. Stefan remembered that after a terrible nightmare, Damon's bed was the only place he felt at peace. He remembers that even though Damon himself was exhausted he had sung him to sleep. Damon had been beaten the next day because father had seen him fall asleep at work. He was 15 then and Stefan was barely nine.

He fell into that memory of a stormy night when he had just turned nine a few months prior and Damon had been 15 for a while. He was whimpering in his sleep, dreaming of trees with horrible grotesque faces lunging for him, grabbing him. A loud thunderclap woke him from his dream. He cried then and pulled the covers over him as he started counting like Damon taught him - to see how far away the storm was.

He counted to two as he heard the thunder clap. He waited again and saw the lightning through the windows. He counted again and he made it two again and calmed, the storm was passing. He felt better then, but when he saw the lightning flash again he got scared when this time he only made it to one. He panicked then and when he saw the lightning trough his blanket and couldn't make it to one he knew it was here. He screamed and ran to his brother's room and as thunder rumbled through the house he made it to his brother's door. He threw it open in a panic and ran for Damon's bed. The older Stefan chuckled at his childhood antics.

"Stef…" the 15 year old groggily said as he pulled the covers from his side and without speaking, held the small boy to his side.

"Damon a big storm it's going to kill us and then where going to be attacked by the trees," little Stefan said with a sobbing voice that had yet to change to his much deeper one.

"It's okay Stef, we're going to be fine," He looked at his brother and saw that it wasn't calming his nerves. He yawned and pulled his brother onto his lap. "Can you imagine if dad saw the house gone? I think he would beat the storm before he would let it take the house," he joked and got a sobbing choked laugh from his brother. He knew that he could calm Stefan some more. He looked to the clock and saw that he only had 2 hours of sleep. He had just gotten to bed before the storm hit.

Damon made his brother look up at him then and held his fratellino close to him as he remembered the song his mother had sung to his brother so many times over the years. Stefan heard the deep baritone voice join the tenor that was in the bed. Damon's voice hadn't changed fully yet. It could still hit the pitch of the song like their nanny was able to. The older Stefan smiled at the memory of his brother sleepily singing and remembered the fully grown version he had back home that he had to get back to.

"Hey," he said tiredly to Damon as he held him and fell tiredly against him. He had fought in his dream and now realized he had been fighting his brother. Those arms that held him where probably making sure he hadn't hurt himself when he slept.

"Stef. good. I thought I was going to sing that song until I was crazy," Damon half laughed and half told the truth because he had been going out of his mind when his brother was fighting him. The fact that Stefan was on his bunny diet meant that he hadn't been strong so Damon could hold him, but Stefan was still strong when he was sleeping and he had fought like his life depended on it.

"No such luck. I'm kind of stuck here," he said raising his shoulder for emphasis. Damon had loosened his hold on him but kept him to his chest.

"Sorry. I'm going to go get you some Bambi and some Carrie for me because you tired me out with your fighting," Damon said as he disentangled himself from Stefan to feel his hand being pulled back to the bed by Stefan's. He let him because he wasn't ready to let go of his fratellino just yet.

"I'll come with you," Stefan said as he moved to stand, holding his Damon's hand as they walked to the kitchen. Damon retrieved the blood bag, and a bottled Bambi from the fridge.

Damon's POV

It had been a while since he had made blood cookies but he wanted the comfort and he knew Stefan loved his cookies. When he was 120, he discovered his love for cooking and found that if he cooked regular food with blood as an ingredient then it tasted wonderful. He knew as a vampire that human food tasted rancid. Stefan used human food as a way to get rid of the cravings so the first time he made his now favorite cookies, with rabbit blood, he had loved them. Damon of course would make them as his favorite comfort food, especially on days where he was brooding, in despair or sadness. They seemed to be frequent lately.

"Cookies?" Damon asked hoping to make Stefan happy. He knew nightmares were hard. He had plenty of demons too.

"Cookies," Stefan said, nodding his head in agreement in the large kitchen.

"You talk. I bake and listen. I can multi task with the best of 'em," Damon smirked as he pulled two large bowels from a cabinet and two sets of cookware - one for Stefan's animal blood cookies and the other for his Carrie cookies.

"Okay you can multi task with the best of 'em" he parroted as he took a breath and started explaining his dream.

Both Boys POV

"There was this crow. It was on a tree and it had your eyes," Damon looked up from grabbing sugar from the pantry, a little startled to think of himself as an animal that would pick at the dead. "Don't worry, just your eyes, it was what made me want to climb the tree. I wasn't sure but when I tried to climb the bark would come away in my hand," he took a breath and continued, "When I looked at the bark though, it was blood, human blood," his eyes seemed to want to turn red at the mention of human blood. _The blood does not control me_ he repeated in his head. He took a breath and tried breathing through the memory of the smell…of the life giving nectar.

"Eventually when I decided to just jump on the tree and I got to the crow it gawked at me. It startled me and I fell backward from the tree. I just kept falling until I hit the grass of the lake," he looked up at Damon who was stirring the peanut butter with blood for his favorite cookies. Damon gave a look that he interpreted as saying _which lake?_

He voiced it then as he picked up the eggs and cracked them for the batter, "what lake the one on our old property?"

"Yes that one," Stefan swallowed. He didn't want to talk about this part of the dream. "We used to go fishing there and it's where I nearly drowned. Do you remember?"

"I remember fishing and nearly having a few heartaches the day. I forgot you didn't swim and nearly drowned in that lake it. It was also the place I spent the day making my decision to not become a vampire." Damon said as he rolled his eyes in his usual way, "All water under the bridge. I have you here now right, bro." He picked up the whisk then and stirred the batter at inhuman speed careful not to spill.

"I know, but it was also where Walter Krebs…" Damon had a questioning look that made Stefan realize something scary. Damon didn't know the name Walter Krebs and what it meant. The pain and the suffering and even worse all those years of anger and self-loathing and the curse of the Ripper could be chased back to that name. "Walter Krebs he… raped me near that lake," Stefan choked out from his internal struggle. Lexi had worked hard at getting him to say he was raped. He wasn't about to fall backwards into not naming being raped. By giving something a name you have power over it. It doesn't mean you have a better understanding. It just meant that he could deal with it and take the first step towards recovery.

"I didn't know that was his name or that it was near that lake," Damon quietly said. He had ceased reaching for the parchment paper. _I thought it happened elsewhere. Just let him continue. You must be there to listen and be understanding. Remember you have to be his shield because right now he is like an open wound. Just don't treat him like glass. I get it now Lexi.._

"I remember a lot from that lake brother," he spoke to Damon but looked down at the counter. He still felt ashamed to admit this to his brother. "I remember every time Walter took me there, I just didn't know which memory it was until I saw a figure come from trees," he looked up to his brother's tortured face and he didn't want to see that look upon his brother's face. A look that showed pity and self-blame for not being there, that look only lasted a second, because in the blink of an eye it was gone.

"Its okay fratellino, I can take it," Damon said as he choked down his emotions and schooled his features so that Stefan didn't have to see his anguish at listening to the dream and the memory. _Lexi never told me too many details like a name or place. Just that Stefan had become the Ripper because of this._ He showed an encouraging smile and prepared the cooking sheets for the bloody peanut butter cookies. Once he finished with them he would start on the chocolate mixed with deer blood. He wanted to be ready for Stefan but he knew that if he stopped Stefan would stop talking. What he needed was cookies and not a hug…_yet._

"Okay," he took a deep breath and hoped Damon wasn't too shocked by what he was about to say next, "It was one of my memories of Walter beating me. It was terrible because it was the night that father had invited him to do business. The same night he drank brandy with him, like a friend." He was disgusted with his father but he knew his father had no idea and he had never spoken up. "The same night he had placed a note in my pocket stating he would see me or hurt…" he paused because he didn't want to admit that Walter would take Damon and kill him. He looked away as he said the last bit, "you."

"Oh Stefan, no one could hurt me," Damon acknowledged as he put the cookie sheet down and came around the counter to hold his brother's face in his hands so that Stefan would not mistake what he was about to say. "Stefan, you never needed to protect me that way," he searched those big forest green tree eyes and felt his brother's stare at his icy pools of blue Damon used for eyes. Stefan searched for the truth and when he did see truth in what Damon had said he cried pulling his brother close. _I have done many a thing for you and would do it over again _fratellino_ even if you didn't know I did._

"I know," Stefan, sobbed into his brother's nightshirt, he knew that Damon would blame himself for it, or think that everything could have been so simple.

"Now continue your dream its best to see everything in the light and name it otherwise you give strength to your fears," Damon smirked as he hugged his brother to him.

"Who knew you were such a sap," Stefan half-laughed half sobbed in Damon's crushing hug. "Who said I was a sap? I'm evil and I like it," Damon joked trying to lighten the mood. He never did well with emotion but his brother he could always handle. Damon had needed to hold his fratellino because it was high time they had a hug over this whole ordeal.

"I very much doubt that brother, I know you and I know that you are a sap and a romantic," Stefan said as he pulled back from their hug. He wiped away his tears and let his brother see the tearstains that had dirtied the black cotton shirt.

_A badge of honor. No, that won't work as a joke… no… no jokes… we need cookies. _"Continue I'm still listening remember and baking…I'm also baking." Damon smirked as he pulled a kitchen rag and handed it to Stefan.

"Okay chef Damon," he mock saluted to Damon because it was easier to joke then facing his nightmares. He sees Damon get up but he grabs his hand, not wanting him to leave just yet.

"It's okay I'm just going to finish with the dough then we can bake them and cut them and then go back to the bedroom," Damon thought for a second _an article said that cooking is a form of therapy. Maybe if he is next to me cutting out the cookies he will feel better. It said that if you distract Children with something like a task then it helps them talk though things. Stefan isn't a child though and that was supposed to be for children. Oh, screw it! Lexi said the hard part is talking because you relive it. Maybe this will help._ "Your going to help," he tossed Stefan an apron, "here you can wear it, my shirts ruined anyway," _and I don't care if __**I**__ get batter on the bed._

"What? You know I can't cook?"

"Yes, I know, that's why we said you can never enter the kitchen without me but you can cut a circle with a floured cup," Damon smirked. _This should help with talking and if not at least I can tell when he gets mad when he crumples the dough._

"Fine," he caved, as he was lead around the counter by Damon who pulled the peanut butter cookie dough from the fridge and rolled it out on the marble counter.

"I roll the dough. You cut and talk. You can multi task with the best of 'em too," he said slightly authoritively.

"I was on the grass barefoot. I had walked there that night. I was going to run as soon as he saw me because that night he had come so close to ending my life. It hadn't felt real until that night as if it was happening in a separate world. It was like what would happen to me at the lake and what would be my normal life were separate….I wanted it to stop more than any other time," Stefan explained to his brother as they rolled out the dough.

"I read somewhere that sometimes people do that. It's a way for the mind to deal with things until the mind accepts what happened to the body," he stopped himself then. _I am not supposed to be explaining my research… shut up you idiot… I took the psychology class to help not to be defensive. Oh, crap he's looking at me as if I've been replaced by a robot._

"Who are you and what have you done with my brother," Stefan asked as he looked up to Damon.

_Snarky response or honest truth….books say truth but I doubt he would believe it. Better say it the way he will expect it "_You became an ambulance driver and I became a slightly functioning alcoholic at a college with soratoires girls and some psychology classes," Damon admitted as he finished with the pans. He gave Stefan a look, hinting to him to continue with the memory, 'Continue the nightmare Stefan you're not getting out of it.'

"You in college for blood, I can see but not for a psychology degree," Stefan said. He caught Damon's eyes and saw Damon's smirk. That was his classic vampire brother. The smirk was telling him all he needed to know…saying 'Who said I finished?'. "I just remembered Walter taking a step towards me," Stefan took on a voice that was more maudlin than happy, as it had been a second ago. "I saw him come towards me and I thought he would never reach me if I ran with my vampire speed, except, when I turned to run he had me in his arms in this bone crushing hold." Stefan silently communicated to Damon. He didn't mind Damon grabbing him but it had scared him in the dream world that he had been in.

"I'm sorry," Damon said remembering something from al the books he had read, _sometimes rape victims' deal with touch badly and sometime they didn't. So maybe he doesn't mind my touch but he obviously didn't know it was I in the dream. He thought that I holding him to make sure he didn't hurt himself earlier was Walter Krebs hurting him or grabbing him. _"Sorry, I was just trying to make sure you didn't hurt yourself by flying off the bed and cracking open your head." Damon looked at him like that was obvious and that he was truly sorry for making Stefan's brain have a sensory overload when he restrained his brother.

"It wasn't your fault that he grabbed me Damon. It could have been a worse nightmare," Stefan physically could have sworn he felt his skin crawl at the memories and what he could have seen rather than what he did see.

_Yeah nightmare…as if could be a worse nightmare… worse it can always be worse. _"What do you mean grabbed you?" Damon said as he grabbed the cutout cookies and placed them on the sheets. He set the time for the first batch as he grabbed the chocolate dough for Stefan's cookies.

"It could have been a rape memory it was just the time he beat me I woke up before the rest of the memory could play out," Stefan said as he kneaded the flour around the dough, happy he had something to do with his hands. This had been a good idea. _I could have dreamt about the part of that night where he beat me then raped me only to have Katherine find me and drain Walter._

"What did he do to you in the dream Stefan?" Damon asked as he got another cookie sheet and as he turned to put the cookies in the oven, he felt a tug. He put the sheet down and looked back to see a flour covered hand grabbing his nightshirt tightly so he couldn't move further away from the crying fratellino.

"He…that night he raped me that night he beat me…that night through all that chaos Katherine came to my rescue and she killed Walter as soon as she saw what he did to me," Stefan sniffled he thought about Katherine. _She had been staying with us a few weeks and she made me forget that night and what Walter had done only for me to remember it when I was done becoming a vampire. When I was the Ripper for the first time in my life it was a way for me to deal with what I couldn't process. It was an escape._

"I'm glad for once that Katherine was in our lives then," Damon said as he grabbed his brother into a hug, not caring that he would really be dirty now. He grabbed his brother because all those years ago he had needed him and now that they were finally connecting again Stefan needed a hug just as much as Damon did.

"Damon you're going to strangle me. Well, if I still needed to breathe that is," Stefan said. But the more he seemed to fight this hug the more Damon held on and the more Stefan wanted to release the flood gates…so he did. He cried and let those tears fall so that he could feel something inside that lung crushing hug.

(Author's Note) I'm going to end here because the cookies were just a nice way for me to picture Damon being nurturing. Read and Review my Sweets. Follow me Solstice1394

_Remember the story is ending in 3 not this one the 6__th__ one. Thank you for your time make sure to read and review._


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 9: My Life Raft, My Fratello.

(Author's Note) I am very glad to be a part of this journey, but soon it will be over. I'm thinking that by chapter 6 it will be done. This Chapter will only be from Damon's point of view.

_Thoughts_

_I want to give a big thank you to my Beta Pretty Girl 818 J_

_I was cleaning up the kitchen after our midnight cookie escapade. It was quiet, too quiet for Stefan to be asleep. He had revealed a lot tonight but not all of it. Lexi had given him advice for many things and one of them was about the importance of being patient. Patience was always going to be hard…I really should get a new knife set, this one is nearly blunt._ Damon thought, as he looked at the knife set he was drying. He made his way to the light switch turning out the light and the night that had happened here.

Stefan had gone to bed after eating his share of the cookies and had insisted he was going to sleep in his bedroom. _I let him, I know I shouldn't have left him alone after the nightmares, but he wanted to be independent from his brother for a night._ _Okay, this is crazy, why am I feeling motherly? I have the urge to check on him even though it was only,_ he looked at the grandfather clock. _See I really am going all mother hen if I want to check on him after only 2 hours…he probably isn't even asleep yet. I can just walk past his room and say goodnight, maybe play it off._

He ambled up the stairs, turned down a corridor, ambled up the next few stairs to the tower, and saw the door was open. He didn't think about it at first, but maybe Stefan had been expecting the mother hen in him to be woken by the night's events. He eased the door open a little more and stopped before the creek could come from the old door. He slid in the opening and was counting his blessings that he was so nimble and skinny to fit through the small crack of the door. He stopped when he saw Stefan starring at him.

"Are we James Bond?"

"You know I was better than him, I got more women and only sometimes did they try to kill me." Damon says, his charm coming naturally. He stands up straight, closing the door when he leans against it.

"What brings you to my domain for it's truly a surprise," Stefan sarcastically states from his bed.

"Came to say goodnight, you know, what you would expect from me in mother hen mode," Damon responded

"There is no mother hen mode from you Damon. There is only the over protective brother I know," Stefan said as he pulled at the threads of his cover. He wanted to ask Damon to stay, but he didn't want to sound weak so he didn't. Damon watches him from the doorway. His face said it and Damon knew that Stefan wanted him here.

"On second thought," he flashes to the bed and gets under the covers, "I think I'll stay with you. That old oak tree is scary," he says faking fear. He knew Stefan would never call him on it. _I can stay here for the night but my back is going to kill me in the morning. "_Stupid Civil War," he mutters under his breath

"What?" he hears Stefan ask from beside him.

"Nothing" he mutters a little louder this time.

"Okay," Stefan says dismissively. He was glad that his brother had not made him ask to stay with him during the night.

****** Morning

_I'm getting way too old for this…_was the first thought that came to his mind before realizing he was fully awake. _Okay, stay still for a minute. Maybe I can figure out how to get out of this contraption Stefan's arms seemed to be making. _

He peaked at Stefan from one eye and saw the octopus limbs trapping him to the bed. He pulled his right wrist from under Stefan's left forearm. The only thing to do was to slowly pull his limbs from under Stefan or else he would risk waking him. That was not something he wanted, especially having finally gotten him to sleep for more than 4 hours after being awake for 39 hours. Stefan moved his head near Damon clavicle it was a bit annoying having an octopus for a brother sometimes. _Stefan you always where the snuggler, _Damon thought as he gently removed his legs from between Stefan's legs. _Okay, almost free, I just have to get out of the vice grip Stefan has on my right hand. For a bunny diet you have a grip fratello. It's a good thing I'm dead or my arm would be_.

_There…_He looked at his free limbs and then realized that he couldn't move Stefan's head from his chest because that would wake him up. _Well, at least I can move my legs and left arm. _He yawned and felt his brother snuggle his head into his chest. It wasn't weird. Damon had long since gotten used to his brother's snuggling. Ever since Stefan was 5 he would grab his arm in the middle of sleep if they shared a bed. He had woken to quite the surprise that first morning when he had tried to get out of bed and he realized that his right arm wouldn't because it was encased by a Stefan cast. He had picked Stefan up then and pulled him against his chest, not caring if his father beat him for being late to his morning chores. Damon had been about 9 or 10 years old at the time.

Stefan never held on to him anymore in his sleep. Damon missed the brother that would cling to him and so that when he had woken to octopus Stefan it was nostalgia overtaking his emotions.

Years later Stefan would adamantly try to not touch his brother in his sleep because it meant weakness somehow. And when he was 10 and Damon 15 he had insisted that he could sleep on his own, only to come ducking under the covers of Damon's bed when the occasional thunderstorm would happen.

He had wanted his brother to sleep then too, Stefan was never good with nightmares or being separate from Damon. Which begged the question, how did he deal all those years that he had been mad at Stefan and not around? Now they were beginning to get close again, definitely not like it was back in 1865, but it was better too.

The old Damon would have been at a complete loss about what to do in their current situation, but then again, he also never thought men would never be raped in his lifetime_._ He had more than 2 lifetimes of experience now and a very decent woman, though he hated to admit that Lexi had been helpful even beyond the grave. He stroked Stefan hair in his idle thoughts and eventually fell asleep again.

When he next woke, it thanks to his own panicked dream. He gasped not wanting to remember what his brain had just thought up to plague him with horror. Stefan stirred then and rubbed a hand in Damon's curly hair.

"Sleep Damon, it was just a dream," a half asleep Stefan explained to a shocked Damon.

Damon slowed his heart rate and focused on not disturbing his brother. The dream was too real. It was like he could still smell the water. The dream seemed more like a memory than a nightmare. He was trying to calm down when he realized _the nightmare wasn't his. Sure it had happened in his head, but it was not his memory..._

He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply running through the nightmare in the afternoon light, judging by where the light was hitting the bed. He took another deep breath and let it out slowly. The calming breaths were to help calm him before the storm of emotion that came with the nightmare. They were so intense they would make any vampire want to turn off their emotion. He closed his eyes and melted into Stefan's bed trying to ground him before he left it. He felt Stefan tighten his arm around his chest and his legs had wrapped around him. He realized the octopus was back.

####In Damon's mind

It was dark. The night seemed sad. There where no stars in the sky, just the too dark clouds. He clearly remembers this night. It was mid-October and the weather had been threatening to rain all day. He was sure that Stefan would come to him in the night if that old tree frightened him. He went looking for Stefan and walked past a mirror in their big house and what he saw startled him to a near panic attack.

Grassy green eyes, not the blue that were his mother's, were staring back at him. The ice-cold blue was gone and his hair was not crow black like it usually was. Now it was blond…he didn't look like the raven anymore. He looked like Saint Stefan. It was eerie. He had only gotten a glimpse as he walked past. He was Stefan. He wanted to be somewhere else. He wasn't supposed to be Stefan he was supposed to be Damon Salvatore. This was creepy. He felt like he was a ghost a shell. As he walks he feels the sock in his shoes, the shoes that where hitting the hardwood floor of their mansion.

He sees his father through a crack in the library door, scribbling in the logbook detailing the day's trade. Stefan stops and stares at his father. Damon felt the pride Stefan felt for their father. Damon never had pride in his father unless it was false pride. He only ever felt sour emotions towards his father.

Stefan moved on to the stables. Damon knew that he, the real him, was there. It was cold out and he had been taking care of the horses. The stable boy was his friend and Stefan's trainer. When it came to horses it was obvious he lacked a certain finesses that Damon had in an unnatural amount. It was weird seeing himself mucking out the stalls while he chatted with Phillip the stable boy, joking and laughing, he felt an overwhelming feeling of sadness crash over him. It wasn't his but Stefan's he realized. These where not emotions he would normally feel, Stefan had always been the loving one, especially towards him, so it was strange.

_I'll be back vecchiofratello. D_eep down Damon knew there was something wrong with Stefan this night. It was like Stefan was vowing to keep him safe. Damon felt Stefan's body shudder as they walked the familair path to the lake near their house.

Stefan's thoughts bombarded him. It was a flashback of Kreb's threatening to kill Damon if he didn't come to the lake like many other nights it seems. There where verbal threats and hand written notes but this one had come by messenger today. It showed Damon's daily riding route and a musket ball inside the package. Was that why Stefan was sad? This was before Katherine, it would have been hard to seperate the brother's because they where beyond close.

Damon was heartbroken, his brother had gone through with being raped so that he was safe? Stefan was not supposesd to be the protector. He was the, vecchio fratello, the older brother, the protector it was not the other way around. He heard another thought come through after the memory of the letter stopped playing in his head.

_I will do whatever it takes to protect you, just promise me you will never leave me vecchiofratello._

_Oh my poor fratellino, if only you could have told me I would have made sure this never would have happened to you. Stefan sometimes you amaze me with your kindness and strength to protect and other times I want to strangle you for it. I promise not to leave you fratellino, I may have gone away a while ago but I never will again._

Damon saw a man in the cattails of the lake. He was taller than Damon which meant that he was much taller than Stefan. It was only October, Stefan wouldn't get a growth spurt to get to the height he was now, for atleast another 2 months, making him his undead height. Damon looked at the outline more and realized it was the banker in town, Mr. Krebs. Damon knew he died soon after Katherines arrival. He just figured she drank him for fun.

There was an overlwhelming emotion of fear and dread when Stefan saw Krebs walking from the cattails by the bank to where he was standing. Stefan held his breath when Krebs came near him. As if on cue a lightning bolt shot across the sky illuninating the face of Stefan's rapist. It was disgusting how the man's face was smiling. He mentally shivered but Stefan physically did against the cold and the hand that touched his angelic face. It was not right. No one should be touching Stefan. He was young, not even of courting age. Over the century Damon had been coerced into drunk sex unwillingly, but Stefan was feeling so many emotions it was like he was there and this was his own body.

The man pushed his body on Stefan sending bile to both of the Salvatore's throats. The kiss was bruising. It was disgusting. His breath was like onion and vanilla. _Who mixes those two flavors?_ Damon thought it was Stefan's brain remebering this fact, the hand groping him through Stefan trousers was huge._ That's it. Stop it, _Damon thought. He was shouting stop, trying to move, but he was trapped in Stefan's body and his memories. These where Stefan's memories and not a dream.

The rough hands alerted him to movement. It was tearing away buttons from Stefan's shirt and a ripping sound was accompanying it...the sound of a trouser being torn. It made Damon want to fight more, only to learn it was futile becasue you could not change the past no matter how you might have wanted to. It made Damon physically ill to feel what Stefan was feeling. He couldn't fight all he could do was take it, the memory was going to play out, he just wanted to know where this had all come from. Damon knew it was Stefan's memory of Krebs attacking and raping him but Stefan didn't have the juice to run around in his head.

Stefan grunted as Krebs pushed himself hard into him. There was no warning just a terrible sense of something be shoved on him. A scream erupted from both their throats. Damon felt emotions overun him. First there was anger, then disgust, shame, fear, embarresment and lastly, it was strange, a small glimmer of love. This small spark was what kept Stefan in place and not running away or fighting his way out. It was love for his brother that kept him here in this spot. He was protecting Damon out of love, not letting him get killed.

The guilt from Damon's own feelling overwhelmed him as another lightning strike thundered overhead illumunating what his brother was doing for him. This was terrible, the memory too much. He used his power to spur it he morphed the evil lustfilled eyes into something else. Stefan didn't have the juice to resist his power. He was just able to project his current nightmare into Damon's head. His defenses had been low and he was asleep for the first time in 56 hours. Sure vampires didn't need as much sleep as a humans but it had been awhile since he had last really slept. Most probably since before Stefan had had that first nightmare.

He felt all the emotions keep him in place. Like an ocean it surrounded him. He couldn't just turn them off. Sure, he could turn them off if he wanted, but then he would be abandoning his brother. So he couldn't turn off his emotions and take over the dream and stop this madness.

Krebs was nearly finished, he was pumping faster into him, like he was just a tool to jerk off with. This was disgusting. Even Damon would need a shower after this. Panic was washing over him, it was Stefan's, this was the current feeling not part of the memory it was how he felt while dreaming this. Damon wanted nothing more than to wake him up but he was trapped by the dream. It was a trap for both of them. Damon unable to get loose because of Stefan's panic and Stefan panicing only because Damon was in his memory.

Krebs had just pulled out of Stefan and was cleaning himself off on the trousers he wore, a shark grin covering his face. He stooped to kiss Stefan like he was his soulmate...like he was delusional and thinking that Stefan screaming this whole time was out of ecstasy and not pain and humilation. Damon was seething, he wanted to drain this man dry of his blood in the most painful way possible. He wanted to force him his blood so he would be fine again and set him on fire. Sear off all the flesh, and when he died deal with him as a newborn vampire staking him. Even as he thought it he knew that it would never be enough.

Krebs was walking away now and Stefan was letting the tears he had been holding back out of sheer will drop down his face. He felt the rain start to fall and he stood in there just enjoying the water. It felt right after so many things that where wrong. Damon could feel the rain too. Just as he had felt every disgusting thrust. He felt the uglinness that was rape.

It was a memory, a nightmare, it was both those things and it was all being washed away by the rain. Sometimes the rain could do that, it could take away things for a minute or two. He saw the edges of the view turn black it was like the dream was ending the memory finished. The storm had raged for hours that night. Damon remembered. He had waited for Stefan that night, half expecting him to crawl into his bed afraid of the storm.

The flashback of tonights events where ending as Damon opened his eyes for the second time. He couldn't stand those memories but he knew Stefan needed to confront the man who had made them so frightening. _I will help you fratellino, I promise to not leave again I swear it on mother's grave just like I swore to her that I would protect you. For how ever long I live and this time I will keep my promise,_ Damon pledged to Stefan.

Damon reached up and stroked Stefan's hair, shushing him in his sleep. He entered Stefan's mind with his wits about him and entertained him with a memory of his own.

When Damon was 12 and Stefan 6 a game of tag was in full swing, and when it ended he showed him his memory of when Damon was sick and Stefan had been there. It was one of the few times there roles where reversed. Though Stefan probably would never know how deathly ill he had been when he caught pneumonia. A 105 fever and Stefan was reading him a book while Damon was huddled under the covers trying to sweat it out.

In chapter 5 there will be a confrontation and little miss Judgy makes an apearence.

I know right, I was like I don't know about this but I can't make the boys travel back in time. _Thank you for your time make sure to read and review._


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